Halloweiner Back to S Back to main page

Collected by Djian
oct 15 - 2011

>> Another story by Amanda Serve

As an author, I just create characters and put them in an initial situation and see where it goes.

Halloweiner: A Highschool Horror Tail
by Amanda Serve

Chapter One

There are four rules to cheerleader S-club.

1st RULE: You do not talk about S-CLUB.

2nd RULE: You DO NOT talk about S-CLUB.

3rd RULE: No shirts, no shoes at meetings.

4th RULE: Obey.

I am already breaking the 1st and 2nd rule writing about my initiation into S-club. It was a club started years ago by some boys who attended Cherry Lawn High School but they all graduated and eventually the leadership passed to a girl. It has remained with her ever since.

If you want to be popular, you become a cheerleader or a football player at my school. If you want to remain a cheerleader or a football player you eventually get initiated into S-club. That is how it has been for years now.
Not everyone gets invited to join, just the ‘cool kids’ who wouldn’t go blabbing the secrets all over school.

What does S-Club stand for? Sex club? Spirit Club? I’d heard lots of rumors but only the true members know how it all works and who all the members are.

Even though the rule is that you don’t talk about it, even some of the faculty know about the un-sanctioned club and I’ve been hearing rumors since I was a freshman. I could get in big trouble if anyone reads this.

I am a sophomore now and it’s Halloween – the traditional night of initiation to S-club members and I’ve been invited. Invited is a nice way of saying I’m being expected to come. I am tall for my age, and I was able to snag a spot on the varsity squad this year. If I want to keep my spot I was told that the invitation is not optional.

I am both excited and scared, but I do know that sometimes rumors get exaggerated so I am trying to remain calm.

Cheerleader practice had just ended and after the goody-two shoe girls on junior-varsity leave the locker room we started the initiation. We all pretended to be taking our time about dressing, stretching our muscles and chatting while we waited. Some of the older girls already knew what to expect and I could feel them looking at me like ‘fresh meat’. I felt like a doe-eyed deer staring into the loaded gun barrels of anxious hunters.

Cathy Griffin, our ‘leader’, announced it was time by simply walking out of the locker room right into the gym wearing only her skirt. The gym was still well lit and there could have been anyone waiting for us on the bleachers of the locker room but one by one the other girls filed out after her with bare naked breasts and no shoes, taking nothing with them.

I wasn’t the last one to leave, one of Cathy’s ‘enforcers’ was. I did round out the rear, playing it safe because I assumed whoever might be waiting in the gym to watch an almost naked parade of cheerleaders would have put a stop to it by now if they didn’t expect to see it.

I pictured walking out there to a room full of hunky teenagers, but there was no one on the empty bleachers -the sound of our bare feet on the rubber floor echoing in the spacious gym hall.

We walked single file into the weight room. It was much smaller and usually full of nautilus equipment and free weights but they had all been moved to the side. The room was dark, only lit by flickering white candles and the door leading back into the gym. I thought about turning around and leaving but the weight room door slammed behind me as Cathy’s enforcer shut and locked it.

“Ladies, you’ll take your seats and the Hallow’s eve initiation ceremony can begin.” It was playfully called ‘Halloweiner’ unofficially and I was about to find out why.

There were nine stools in the center of the room forming a circle around a glow-in-the dark pentagram that became visible when the only thing we had to see by was candle light. There was a Ouija board in the center and I snickered because now I realized this entire thing was probably going to be very hokey. We used to use them at sleep overs, “Oh Does Dave Stravosky have a crush on me?” and we’d all move the words around to spell out ‘yes’ unless we wanted to be mean and make it spell out ‘Noah’, his best friend who isn’t quite as good looking.

The stools had short stubby rubber dildos mounted on them. I may be in high school but I don’t live in a bubble and they looked like fat little dicks. One of the other girls being initiated today, (Veronica), stumbled out a question “You don’t expect us to put those in our pussies do you?”

“No”, Cathy could sound very sweet when she wanted to and she put as at ease with her answer until she added “Not your precious little pussy, no….”

Cathy’s enforcer is Latisha Banks, the daughter of the Principal, and with one swift flick of the wrist she pulled up Veronica’s skirt, slapped some goop on her backside and then the strong athletic black girl drove the other initiate on the stool flat onto her ass while covering her mouth to stifle any scream.

“Tsk, tsk, there is always one every year who questions the initiation rites.” Cathy shook her head. She was my age and back in middle school, I would never have expected her to be so cruel and sadistic but the angel-faced girl with the strawberry red hair was full of surprises. “Would anyone else like help getting to their seats, or would you like to ease on to it?” she pointed to a small tub of crème.

Each of us took a handful of the white crème and watched the other girls. I assumed they were reaching under their skirts to lube up their assholes. I did like the others and took my seat, easing myself over the latex dildo and inching myself just slightly over the tip of it. I’d never put anything in my ass before and I didn’t like the idea. Judging from the shadowed faces of my squad they didn’t either.

The only ones remaining standing were Latisha and Cathy and all attention was focused on Cathy for what would happen next.

“Tight Ass Check.” I heard Cathy call out the order and suddenly felt Latisha’s strong hands driving my shoulders down to impale my butthole on the rubber dildo. She repeated the exercise to every girl then for good measure lifted my skirt and reached under to check to see if the plug was fully up my rectum and let it drop again.

“Do we have some tight buttholes or loose buttholes here, Enforcer?” Cathy asked Latisha as if she were an Army captain talking to the sergeant who had just assembled the soldiers.

“The buttholes are loose, some looser than others, Mistress Cathy.” Latisha could be tough, she was also Captain of the volleyball team but there was an aura of respect in her voice when talking to Cathy. That was surprising since I think Latisha is a Senior and Cathy is in the same grade as me.

“Relax girls, we don’t want any tight asses here, rock back and forth.” The others did as they were told and so did I. She went around the room asking us, “Veronica, do you have a tight butthole?”

“No Mistress Cathy.” and when it was my turn she asked me the same question but then added “What are you going to be for Halloween tonight?”

“Uh, I was planning to be Alice in Wonderland, and hand out candy at home?”

“You’ll be giving out candy, but right now you are a baby until I tell you otherwise, is that understood initiate?”

I didn’t get a chance to answer because Latisha popped a rubber baby binky into my mouth to suck on and then proceeded to go around the room popping them into the other girls’ mouths. I felt pretty ridiculous even humiliated but I was glad at least to know the others were going through it as well. I think it added to my resolve to see it through, knowing the other girls were getting it just like me.

I wanted to ask why a ‘loose butthole’ is preferable, but I just assumed that a ‘tight ass’ is someone who is stuck up and prudish. I could not have asked anyway given I was now sucking on a baby’s pacifier.

“Now that you are properly dressed and motivated for our initiation ceremony, those of you who have never been here before raise your hands above your head.

I and three other girls raised our hands above our head and I could feel the sudden snick of handcuffs binding my wrists.

“Good, leave them like that, it makes you tits stick out. Don’t drop them. You drop them and you are out.” Once she said we had to leave them that way I suddenly felt like they were lead weights and I wanted to bring them down. If she had said nothing I probably wouldn’t have even thought about it.

“Those who have been initiated, interlace your hands behind your head and observe your sisters silently. All of you will be sisters of the S-club if you make it through the initiation, but one of you will be this years ‘chosen one’, which is the highest honor.”

My mind was already racing on what she meant by the ‘chosen one’ and ‘honor’ when she announced, ‘Bring out the gimp’.

I had heard of the Quentin Tarintino movie ‘Pulp Fiction’ and that famous line, but it still took me by surprise that after some chains rattled in the darkness behind us a man was brought limping and naked into the circle.

He was obviously an adult male in his forties or fifties, naked and hunched except for a leather mask, leather straps around his barrel chest and a metal cage around his tiny penis. His entire fat naked ass was completely visible and he was hairless below the waist like an oversized fat baby. He lumbered around like a wild beast that had just been unshackled. I am surprised I did not notice him when we walked in but my eyes focused strictly on the pentagram in the small room’s center and not the fringes and dark spaces on the sides.

“We have our fool, and our seven VIRGINS.” She cooed at her own joke and added, “Ladies, I assume you are all virgins aren’t you?”

“Oh Yes Mistress Cathy, we are pure as the driven snow.” Some of the girls said in unison, as if snarkily answering a teacher like Teacher’s pet. I doubted that the other girls on the squad were virgins, especially if they were so willing to do a kinky ceremony like this. I had done some funny dare games at sleepovers, even wore a frozen bra once in a game of truth or dare but this was beyond the pale.

The funny thing is, technically I AM a virgin. I know from my acceptance of being handcuffed and topless you might think I am jaded and worldly but other than sucking a boy’s dick when locked in a closet for ‘seven minutes in heaven’ and some heavy petting I hadn’t actually ‘closed the deal’ and had sex.

I don’t think any potential husband wants to hear you are ‘technically a virgin’, so let’s just leave it at I’ve not gone all the way and be done with it.

The gimp was sniffing around the room, coming up to each girl and breathing in her hair, getting his sweaty body very close and ogling us. I am sure it was a treat to see a room full of topless teenage girls but his cock trapped in the cage didn’t have the opportunity to grow.

“The Séance is beginning. It is now that your fears and shame calls forth the evil spirits of hallows eve to discern the chosen one. Your Trojan pride turns to Trojan humiliation as the gimp sniffs your very essence to discover who shall be the chosen one.”

The gimp was looking me up and down and bravely I sat on my stool with my chest heaving and my arms high above my head and let him have his look.

“Those of you not chosen will be happy to know that on the outside of your baby binky is a football player’s number. The binkies were chosen by the spirits in a random order to bring you together with him. You will be his spirit girl this season, creating posters and banners to cheer him on and handling his special needs…”

She didn’t have to spell out the ‘special needs’, we all knew there was an unwritten rule that spirit girls usually dated whoever they were assigned to on the team.

“The male members of the S-club have all had their initiation in here and were kind enough to move all the weights out of the room and set it up for us. You’ll thank them in the traditional S-club way when you see them.”

I wasn’t sure what that might be, perhaps a secret handshake? Probably something disgusting instead. I think I’d rather have heard what it was instead of having to wonder about all the possibilities. I murmured my agreement like the other girls.

“Each of the guys had those baby binkies in their bottoms. You’ll find the player whose number is written on yours and say, “I found this and I believe it belongs to you, Sir. I took the liberty of cleaning it for you. I hope you don’t lose it again.”

One of the girls spit hers out immediately and brought her arms down. There was a loud thud and I didn’t get to see but it sounded like a wooden paddle in the darkness. “Heather Thomas, you have defiled this ceremony. You shall be shunned forever from the S-club.”

“Fine, this is sick, I don’t want to play anymore.”

“Take her outside, girls you will shun her, she is not to be invited to any parties or even spoken too. She does not exist.” That didn’t sound so bad. I was debating on walking out myself. I want popularity and all that comes with it but I was already scared that I was in over my head.

It is a good thing I just stayed ‘glued’ to my stool because we never saw or heard from Heather Thomas again. I often wondered what happened, but sometimes it’s best not to ask too many questions - you might get the answers.

“Does anyone else want to leave before the ceremony intensifies?” Cathy asked and no one made a move to leave.

The gimp was hovering around Heather’s recently vacated stool like a hungry dog working at a bone.

“Yes, yes, you can clean the stool, my pet.” She unzipped his mouth and he began to slobber all over the stool, taking his time on the recently greased rubber dildo.

The mood intensified as we listened to the sound of the man slobber the stool top clean and it almost seemed as if an eerie music were playing in my head. It was probably just too many horror movies and over active imagination but I started to feel like I was being watched intensely.

“The next phase in the choosing is when given the order to ‘present’ you will stand up from your stools. It is imperative you bring your plugs with you, both of them.

The gimp snapped Heather’s rubber dildo by pulling it off the stool with his lips. It made a ‘pop’ noise. If we are supposed to have ‘loose buttholes’ how could they expect us to clench and pull the butt plug up with us?

I didn’t have time to ponder, Cathy gave the “Present” order and we stood up in unison, the sound of ‘pop, pop, pop’ told me several girls had kept theirs in. As greased and nervous as I was I honestly couldn’t tell if I’d managed to bring mine with me - I thought so but I could not be entirely sure.

We all faced away from the circle and bent at the waist as if touching our toes. The initiates had their arms forward in handcuffs and the others just kept their fingers laced together.

One by one Latisha lifted each girls skirt and then pulled it down around her waist to her feet instructing them harshly “Step out”.

I had wondered why they let us keep the skirts at first. I just assumed it was a vanity that they were willing to go topless but not totally nude through the gym. It was part of the ceremony to strip us naked so I stepped forward when it is my turn.

“Very good Hope, you can be a tight butthole when you need to be.” Latisha slapped me on the ass to let me know I still had the dildo. I could feel it now as my ass cheeks rippled back and forth from her swat. I don’t really want to admit this but I was slightly elated that I had passed this test.

My friend Veronica didn’t fare as well. “Veronica, you remained loose butthole, and that is a no-no.” I could only glance in my peripheral vision but I could see them bend her over the stool face first and put her mouth over her dildo that had remained on the stool. “You will receive twenty swats from the slut paddle.” Cathy announced.

Her enforcer administered the first one and after the loud –BAP- Veronica wiggled and cried into the dildo. “Would you like ten from the whore paddle? It’s much more painful.” Cathy offered sadistically. Veronica’s answer was to quiet down and submit to nineteen more strikes from the slut paddle.

“Eight asses, and seven tight buttholes. This is a much better crew than we had last year, wouldn’t you say Latisha?” Cathy asked her enforcer

“Yes Mistress.”

“Gimp you may go around and pull out the mouth plugs of the seven tight asses, so they can learn who they belong too.”

Veronica had her plug read to her by Latisha after she picked it up off the floor where Veronica had let it drop as she screamed in pain from the spanking. She drove the baby binky that had been in her mouth moments earlier, and was covered with slobber, into Veronica’s ass and gave it a turn as if locking it into place. “Can you be tight butthole enough to hold your player’s binky?”

Veronica only mewed submissively into the rubber dildo on the stool in agreement.

The Gimp took turns on each girl, going up to them, putting his hands all over their naked bodies, and putting his leather masked face right up to theirs as they bent over looking at the ground. He then sucked the end of the baby binky out of their mouth and got on the ground like a puppy to let Latisha read the player’s name.

He took his time with me, groping my boobs and scaring the bejeezus out of me before he finally put his face right next to mind and sucked the baby binky right out of my mouth.

“Noah Bentley #82” Latisha read aloud. Damn it, I had hoped for Dave Stravorsky, I had a crush on him since middle school even though he is an upper classman. My first thought was maybe I could trade but after the extra effort they were going to make these selections I thought Cathy would tell me it would upset the ‘spirits’ if I didn’t take what I got.

“The ceremony is almost complete, Ladies. You’ll go home tonight with your plug. If you are asked by another S-club member to present it, you will present it and clean it before returning it to its home. That includes you Veronica, is that understood?”

“Murrpmph” she mumbled and the rest of us answered “Yes Mistress”

“Now for Latisha’s favorite part, spin the gimp…” I could hear the Gimp being ordered onto his back on the pentagram. I couldn’t see behind me but I could hear his cock cage being unlocked and he made some satisfying grunts. He sounded familiar like someone I knew but I couldn’t quite place it without him saying anything.

I guess it is silly to think the gimp wasn’t from somewhere around here. It isn’t like he came from France or something exotic. He was probably a teacher or just a weird horny old man willing to play these games to touch hot young cheerleader flesh – I didn’t blame him, I’d probably play them too if I were him.

One by one we were told to spin around and come over to where the gimp was laying. The girl had to put her mouth around his cock and kneel while using her boobs to move a Ouija board that rested on his knees. This was the ‘weiner’ they were talking about when they said ‘Halloweiner’.

I couldn’t hear what was being spelled out but when it was my turn I got to see the Gimp’s fat belly heaving as he sported his four inch hard-on flat on his back.

“Hurry, get into position, slut.” Cathy told me. She hadn’t called me slut before but I actually got a slight charge out of it. It didn’t hurt as much as it kind of gave me a little enthusiasm to play the game.

I hovered over him in a push up position, they made me arc my back so that I was straddling him and the plug was still visible. “You waiting to be told to start?”

I didn’t know what to say so I answered, “Yes Mistress”.

“Very compliant, I like that.” She pushed my butt down with her bare foot so that I was smushed into the sweaty body of the gimp as I wrapped my lips gingerly around his cock and wiggled around the Ouija board. I could taste the sour smell of dried piss and sweat and feel my nipples touching the plastic heart-shaped planchettes. I couldn’t see what I was wiggling over, but I tried to spell out “no way” while I bounced up and down on the gimps small pecker with my face like I was bobbing for apples.

I guess it’s Halloween, and trying to picture bobbing for apples was one way to keep my mind from visualizing the fact that along with several other girls I had just fellated some creepy old man. He didn’t cum, he just giggled and snorted like a piggy.

“Good job” Cathy offered and before I could get up I felt Latisha’s bare foot push me back down to the position I was in “Forgetting something?”

“Thank you Mistress.” I offered meekly and immediately felt Latisha release her hold over me. I secretly fantasized for a few moments about what I’d do if I ever get voted the leader of the group. I’d probably make Latisha wish she hadn’t slammed her foot into my back and treated me like dog shit she was wiping off the bottom of her feet.

I guess that is how clubs like this gain appeal. There are probably girls who join for the popularity boost of being in a clique and some who might even enjoy it, but I was starting to realize that maybe most of us just wanted a crack at being in the driver’s seat one day after we pay our dues and running something like this.

“Let’s be about your business.” Latisha had me assume the same bent over position facing away from the circle with my arms extended in front of me.

When they had completed the circle Cathy announced it was time for all assembled to learn their place this hallow’s eve. “As is our tradition, each of you have used your sacred breasts, which are in some cases, those tiny bumps you pad and call boobies” there was a pause for a light hearted laughter after Cathy’s interjection of levity “Now it is time for the ceremonial choosing of costumes and parts to play. Remain in position until your plug is removed and your costume is chosen”

The gimp went to each girl and sniffed them once again, getting close to their bodies and manically fidgeting and breathing heavy until he pulled the plug out of their ass with his teeth.

Then Cathy would announce, “Tonight, you will perform as the devil, the temptress. Your pitch fork, your cape, and your red bikini and crown, you will wear it until the witching hour.” The girl would thank the mistress for the costume, clean and replace the plug before putting on the costume.

“You are Cinderella, tonight you will clean and cook for your betters at home, and wear this costume.” I could see out of the corner of my eye that this wasn’t the Disney version of Cinderella but instead the slutty version. I pictured my parents’ expression if I came home in something that risqué. I think my parents are pretty mature and open minded and even though I am almost sixteen they probably would say something about my choice of costume.

“You are Poc-a-hot-ass, the Indian girl, here is your feather, and your loin cloth, and your vest.” That was Victoria’s costume and it was even more revealing than the last three because there was nothing under the vest but her two sweater hogs.

Each girl she assigned wardrobe too seemed to be pleased with it and thanked Cathy profusely. It was down to me and another girl left and I was nervous that I’d be the ‘chosen one’ and I wasn’t sure what that meant but I had gone well past the idea that it might be a good thing.

“We have two costumes left ladies, the harem slave and the puppy. Gimp, who does the spirits tell you shall be my harem slave?”

I felt a ball in my stomach start to roll as if it were picking up steam like a snowball rolling down a mountainside in movies that just keeps growing and growing as I wondered which of the two costumes was worse.

Janet had been a longtime friend of mine, a leggy good looking girl with a winning smile and positive attitude. The harem girl outfit was a veil, a thong like bikini with some see-thru mesh and leg and wrist manacles. “Thank you Mistress, it is very kind of you.”

I guess she was the chosen one who would spend her night at Cathy’s side waiting on her hand and foot. I wasn’t sure if I was relieved or feeling competitive. In beauty contests the last girl announced is the winner, and it seemed anti-climatic for some reason to me.

“You’ll be coming home with me, Janet. I suppose you’d rather do that than have your parents and brother see you dressed in your Halloween costume?” Cathy asked snidely. I couldn’t help but picture my own brother Darrell’s reaction to me in such an outfit. He would probably have laughed his ass off because over the summer he had made fun of me for being such a prude when I wore a one piece swim suit at the community pool.

“Our chosen one… bark for me puppy.”

Oh great, just my luck. I got the last costume. I barked and everyone giggled it even sounded like the gimp, who had been acting like an insane maniac, gave a chuckle at my pathetic bark. “You’ll have to practice that puppy, here you can wear this home.”

I stood up after I felt the plug wiggle out of my ass and turned around to see the Gimp squatting like a puppy himself holding my plug in his teeth. I looked for the costume in the darkness and saw Cathy holding only a cloth tail, a dog collar, some puppy ears and a sliver of material.

“Why the pouty lip, puppy? You disappointed by what the spirits have chosen for you tonight?”

Without thinking I blurted out, “I thought the last one picked would be the chosen one.”

“All of you are the chosen one. That is the secret of S-club. You have all been chosen to answer the call and tonight, your call is that of the wild. You will wear this home with pride, and if anyone asks you to bark you will yip for them like a good little girl puppy, won’t you?”

I took the costume and had a sudden pang of ‘buyer’s remorse’. I could just see my entire family thinking I had gone off the deep end when I reported home to help give out candy with my parents. We had long stopped trick or treating now that my brother was fourteen.

“I am not sure I could walk home like this, Mistress?” I answered her reluctantly holding the thong like bottoms up to my waist.

“Oh no worries, your dad can drive you can’t he?”

The Gimp slowly shook his head up and down, and I let out a cry of horror.

AUTHORS NOTE: This is a one-off story in the Family Feud Universe. It happens to Hope Miller months before Jamie Taylor and her family ever get involved in the events of “Family Feud I”. I hope you enjoyed this short tale of Halloween and will give my other stories a try.

Halloweiner: A Highschool Horror Tail
Chapter Two

We were quiet in the car almost all the way home. My father finally spoke as we entered the gates of our suburb.

“Punkin’, I had no way of knowing you’d be there. I mean, if you are mad at me because I was there, you should be mad at yourself because you were there too?”

Was he really serious? He acted like I caught him cheating on his diet and eating ice cream and this was no big deal.

“Daddy, I sucked your dick in front of all the other girls.”

“They won’t think any less of you, they all did it too.” He said in that slight southern accent of his that makes him sound like a good old boy car salesman some times. “It’s Halloweiner, it is a tradition. It is sort of like kissing under the mistletoe.”

My dad owned his own business, worked in local politics and was an athletic booster at the school because he himself had been a football star years ago. He got there in part because of his notoriety on the football field in our small town and because of his soft-spoken silver tongue as a salesman.

I gave him a look, the look I’d seen my mom give him a hundred times when he tries to baffle her with the bullshit that usually works on everyone else. He recognized it and chuckled softly.

My dad changed tactics “I am sorry baby, but now that you’ve been initiated they expect you to play along. It is just harmless fun. You can look on the bright side – If you had walked home in the outfit, what do you think I would say if I wasn’t in on it myself?”

I was sitting in the passenger side in a black thong, with a dog collar, stupid dog ears on a beret in my hair, and the cloth tail sitting in my lap but I felt completely naked. I also felt betrayed that my father had picked me last and let me go through that ritual and the other girls had a good laugh at my expense when they unmasked the ‘Gimp’ to reveal my father’s teddy-bear like face.

“Pull over, I want to throw up.” I said in response.

He could see I wasn’t heaving and he once again tried to comfort me as we pulled on to our street. “Oh stop, it’s just one night. When we get inside, play along with me and I will help you get through this, okay punkin?”

When we stopped at the curb I started to get out and he reminded, “You better put your tail in before you get inside.”

I rolled my eyes at him but realized he was probably right. If they caught me out of costume I would have gone through the initiation for nothing and been shunned from the group. The ‘tail’ was on a long stringy wire. There is a hole in the rear of my thong that the wire is supposed to push through and then into the rubber butt plug I still had in.

“Do you want any help, Punkin?” I wished he would stop calling me punkin, but after three tries to get it to line up correctly before getting out of the car I had to reluctantly agree. He had already seen me naked and more so I sighed and faced my butt towards him in the passenger seat and let him pop the tail into place. He gave it a swish and then giggled.

I stepped out into the nippy Halloween air of our yard and started to race towards our house. The leaves were all turning autumn color and my mom had decorated our front porch with maize and Halloween decorations. Everyone on our block goes all out to decorate for Halloween and this year was no exception.

I slammed the door behind me and was about to race up stairs when my mom caught sight of my ‘costume’.

“Where do you think you are going? Come back here right now. Let me see what you have on.” She said in a way that felt like a slow-motion tractor beam pulling me back down the stairs and into the kitchen. I felt defeated as I trudged into the kitchen where my mother was making preparations for Halloween snacks and candy.

I heard the door open and close and suddenly my spirits lifted, because I remembered my father saying to play along with him. He surely had a plan to explain my completely inappropriate and shocking costume to my mom and all I had to do was leave my mouth hanging open long enough to stall her until he found us.

“Oh shit, where is my cell phone?” The person walking in wasn’t my father, it was my younger brother Darrell. He already had his phone in his hand and was snapping pictures of my ass which was covered only by a strip of cloth with a tail sticking out of it.

“Whoa, You could give the dog a bone! Sch-wing!” Darrell is such a derp.

My jaw dropped and I suddenly felt even more humiliated than I had before as his words he intended playfully ripped right through me. I had nothing to say in my defense and it felt like an eternity until my father came inside. He had stopped to pick up a rake and was telling Darrell he needed to take care of the lawn before the trick or treaters start their rounds, “get those leaves piled up, Son.”

He walked into the kitchen and saw the three of us standing there. People often say my mom looks exactly like Eva Longoria and she acts a lot like her character Gabrielle on Desperate Housewives. She is passionate, lively, and extroverted. She might be considered vain, shallow and materialistic but she has always been sympathetic and supportive towards me, especially when Darrell is pulling a prank on me. She usually takes my side.

This time it didn’t look that way. Darrell was grinning from ear to ear at the thought I was probably about to get grounded or worse and he just seemed to enjoy my situation a little too much. I shouldn’t have been surprised though because like all brothers and sisters we have had squabbles, fights, competitions and usually it was me getting him in trouble for forgetting to put something away or whatever petty thing brothers and sisters fight over.

“Yeah, I told you your mom wouldn’t like that outfit, honey. I know you are almost sixteen and want to be treated like the woman you are becoming, but I am afraid you’ll have to take that off and put something else on a little more wholesome because your mom wouldn’t approve.” My dad told me. I looked at him completely confused because he was the one who had encouraged me to walk in here like this.

“Now just wait a minute, I never said that I don’t approve. You are trying to make me into the bad guy again?” Mom put her hands on her hips.

I was caught in the middle like a deer in the headlights as I watched them talk it over, and Darrell just stood there loving every minute.

“Well, do you approve of how she is dressed or don’t you?” my dad asked.

“I don’t NOT approve of it automatically.” She raised her voice slightly.

My dad infuriated her by never arguing and raising his voice when they got into heated discussions. It was rare they did, but like usual he stuck to his slow, rational sounding speech pattern, “Well, I just need to know, because tonight we have a lot of Halloween trick or treaters coming by and your teenage daughter wants to know if you will let her wear the costume she wants.”

It dawned on me that my dad was using some kind of reverse psychology on her. It didn’t dawn on my mom though because she rationalized that he really didn’t want me dressed this way, he just wanted her to be the one to say no to it.

“I am calling your bluff, Buddy! You don’t want her to wear that, but you want me to say no. You must have a bad memory, because you know when I was a teenager, my father hated for me to dress provocatively, and I resented it.”

“Oh yeah, I had forgot about that.” Something about the sweet way he said it told me he had not forgotten.

“You can wear that if you want to dear, just don’t freeze your ninnys off.” She looked me up and down once more and grabbed a basket of candy and walked out of the room.

“Darrell, what are you gonna be this year?” My father addressed his son who was still staring at what I had on in stunned silence.

“I was going to be Batman, but I have a better idea, Dad.”

“What is that, Son?”

“Dog Catcher!”

He was joking and it was obvious he wasn’t serious but my father answered, “Brilliant idea son, when people come to the door you can act like your Sister has got loose and you’ve got to catch her!”

My brother’s reaction was a silent ‘really?’ and my dad told him he had the perfect thing in the garage. He took him in there and stopped before leaving the kitchen “Well aren’t you coming, punkin?”

“Uh yes, Dad.” I wasn’t sure where he was going with his little charade. He had already managed to get me past mom’s radar and as far as I was concerned that is where we should stop. I reluctantly followed the two into the dank garage. I usually stayed out of there because it smelled of oil, gas and ‘man’ stuff and tonight it was wide open with a table decorated for handing out candy and it was already chilly out as the sun had started to go down.

We had a dog years ago, but according to my mom he ‘barked too much, so one day he ran off to doggy heaven’. My father pulled down a wooly cushion, a dog bowl, a leash and some other pet stuff. “Here, this pillow will be perfect for you Hope.”

He set a big dog pillow right under the table and told me to sit on it. “Curl up like a dog, that’s good.” I got into position reluctantly as I wondered where he was going with this. He clipped a leash to my neck and told my brother “Okay, you guys have fun with this. I am going to fill up a dog dish full of candy and when the kids come to reach for one, give Hope a little slack on her leash and she can jump and bark and scare them.”
He let my brother put on a white painters overalls and cap and wrote “Dog Catcher” on the front in magic marker. “There, as simple a costume as your sisters!” and with that my father strode back inside, silently congratulating himself on his plan no doubt.

It wasn’t dark yet and we didn’t expect a trick or treater for at least another half hour. I lay on my cushion looking out at our road and staring at our brick mailbox as I considered the strange events of the last few hours.

I was jarred back to reality by the sudden ‘twang’ of my tail, it was my brother plucking it like a bass guitar string to one of his heavy metal songs “No wait, I can totally play I am still alive by Pearl Jam if you hold still”

“Fuck off.” I usually didn’t cuss but I was really not in the mood for him to rub salt in the wounds and humiliate me further. He didn’t stop and just kept teasing me by plucking my tail. I started to stand up and the chain choked me and pulled me back.

“Unhook me, please.” I demanded curtly.

“Say pretty please.”

“Pretty please” I rolled my eyes in exasperation.

“Pretty please with sugar on top.” He added.

“Oh, Pretty please with sugar on top, best brother and dog catcher, okay?”

“No, I am the dog catcher! I think I like you right where you are under the table.” He stretched lazily as if bored.

I reached behind me futilely to try to undo the leash. It was tightly wrapped to something over my head and other than standing up and knocking over the entire table I couldn’t reach it.

My brother quickly loosened the single string that tied my top and yoinked it off my chest to give me a new thing to worry about. Then he retreated from the table so I couldn’t kick my back legs at him in disgust.

“Behave, and I’ll let you have your top back.”

“Give me my top back!!” Not only did I not want to be exposed topless to trick or treaters, but I knew if I wasn’t in full costume I could be kicked out of S-club. I wasn’t particularly excited to continue to participate in the club but dammit, I had come this far, and I wasn’t going to let my brat of a little brother spoil it.

I pleaded, “Shhh, here comes someone.”

I hunkered down on all fours with my arms wrapped around my chest so they couldn’t see.

It was some rich diva-like over-achiever mom and her two kids dressed as “Brad” and “Angelina”.

My brother handed them the candy and said, “Do you want to pet my dog?”

“You are the dog catcher?” The little girl dressed as Angelina Jolie, complete with wax oversized lips asked.

“That I am, and this is my faithful mutt.” He gave me a quick kick to the rear playfully.

“Looks more like a baby to me, I adopt babies.” The young girl said playing the stereotype of the actress as someone who adopts a lot of children.

“Bark!” He gave me another kick but he didn’t need too. I knew one of the stipulations was anytime anyone gave me the order I had to yiff like a puppy so I did. Everyone including the mom who was checking her facebook on her iPhone giggled.

“Bark again” my brother told me, this time without the kick.

“Arroooo, Arf Arf Arrooo” I howled.

There was tittering but it wasn’t quite as hearty a laugh as the first time they had heard it. They left without noticing I was completely topless.

“That was fucking priceless, I like how you howled. That was hilarious. I didn’t know you were so funny.”

“I am not.” I didn’t want to tell him I had to bark anytime I was told or he’d probably go overboard with it.

“She is right though, you look like a baby. It’s hard to tell you are a dog because your tail is behind you. If I untie your leash will you go inside and use some makeup to make yourself look like a dog?”

“Will you give me back my top?”

“Absolutely, but first I want to be convinced of your commitment to the role. Let’s see how you look in makeup.”

I tried a few more times to convince him to let me have my top, but he was already undoing my leash. He let me stand and walked behind me with about four feet of chain link leash between us. I had my arms wrapped around my chest.

My mom and dad were in the living room when we passed by and my mom once again froze me in my tracks. “Yo, come over here girly”. Darrell had no qualms about walking me over to them.

“What happened to your top?” My mom asked accusingly.

I didn’t get a chance to answer before my dad asked, “That thing pop off again? It’s cheap. I knew I should have bought the more expensive one, but I am sure your mom wouldn’t have liked us spending so much money on a costume that let’s face it, you’ll only wear one night.” He looked at her and she merely grumbled, it was true. They made great money and had a lavish home in the suburb but my mom still loved a bargain. “Son, can it be fixed?”

Darrell handed the wadded up cloth that barely covered my nipples and on a thin string to me while I stood there in bewilderment.

I turned my back to everyone and wrapped the bikini top around me. My father stood up to tie it and asked “Where are you two going? No one is minding the candy store outside?”

“Well, we haven’t been getting many trick or treaters and the last one thought she was a baby.”

“That is because they were Brad and Angelina and they wanted to adopt me!” I scolded him, which ended up sounding like a joke and added a little levity to the situation.

“She was going upstairs to try to fix her costume and put on some make up to make her look more like a dog than she already is.”

I knew my brother meant I was a ‘dog’ in that I was ugly as a double entendre so I gave him a lemony face of disapproval.

“Well, your mother and I haven’t put on our costumes yet, so can you go back outside and apply the makeup while you keep an eye on the stand?”

“There is no mirror out there, Daddy.” I said sweetly, offering a subtle hint that I’d prefer not to be out in the cold air.

“Oh pish-tosh, your brother can paint your face with some whiskers and highlights like a dog.” My dad made it sound like I was complaining about nothing.

They were about to let us go when my father stopped us one more time sounding concerned “Listen, it seems like you are falling out of that costume. Would you do your dear old dad a favor, and maybe put a little dark concealer or something on underneath?” that was more for my mother’s benefit because he gave me a wink to hint that I should play along.

“Alright” I answered reluctantly and we grabbed some make up from my room upstairs. My brother walked back to the garage together, him still walking behind me holding the leash and this time my parents didn’t say a word.

We got outside and after taking care of a couple of trick or treaters who had been patiently waiting for us, he told me to have a seat so he could apply my makeup.”

“I can’t” I made my tail swush slightly to show him that I couldn’t sit down on my bottom.

“Okay, get under the table, and just look up at me.”

“But then my ass will be facing the street, can you turn around in your chair and do it like that?” with any luck from behind him no one would see me at all.

“You wear your cheerleader skirt all the time to school, what is so different with showing your ass off that way?” he asked me petulantly.

I turned my rear to face him to show that other than a black strip down the middle, my entire ass was exposed. “Please?” but my plea fell on deaf ears. He just pointed at the pillow under the candy table next to my dog dish.

I got down on my knees and faced him, and let him start painting whiskers on my face. I pictured something out of the broadway show “Cats” but knowing him it was completely half ass. He was working with a lot of browns and whites and half-tones and I wondered if he realized just how much of my really good Ultra make up he was using up on this job.

“Okay, pop your top and I’ll rub some of your boobies.”

“Most certainly not” I answered back without hesitation.

“You heard dad, if you pop out, this will make it look like you have something on.” He had a brush to dust a light coat of makeup on me.

I reached behind my back to untie it, “How about I apply it to my chest, okay?”

He agreed to the trade and let me hold my make up after I removed the top, “Tell me if anyone is coming” I warned him.

“You mean like right now? Hi folks, Dog Catcher Darrell and his faithless mutt here, you come for candy?” he said to a family of four that was apparently standing right behind me. The two boys were dressed as ninjas which might have explained why they were able to walk up on me without me noticing.

They could only see my back and tail presented to the street, so I wrapped my arms around my chest to wait for them to leave.

“My Dog is so smart, watch this” Darrell told them “Bark once if they can have candy if their costumes are awesome, bark twice if they can’t because their costumes are too lame.”

I barked once and there were some giggles.

“You didn’t even see the costumes, turn around and look muttly.” He chided me. I looked over my shoulder. “Did you get a good look? Bark once for yes, bark two for no.”

I barked once and this time the father of the bunch laughed the most.

The eldest of the two kids asked, “Are you the dog who can only bark once?”

There was a slight pause followed by a single “Arf” as I thought about how to respond and they all laughed.

“You caught me Ninja master, my dog always barks once to every question, See?” and to demonstrate he said “Muttly, are you the dumbest, smelliest, nastiest dog in the world? Bark once for yes, Bark twice for no.”

Reluctantly I barked only once and after their laughter at my expense subsided, they grabbed some candy from my dish and what Darrell handed them and walked away. I could hear one of the boys tell his parents “I don’t think she had a shirt on”

They answered back, “Nah, it was just a costume. No girl would be outside fully topless.” the father answered.

His wife snarkily added, “Mark, how are you such an expert on what she had on? Were you looking at her?”

“Oh no dear, I only have eyes for you.” I heard him say laughingly as they walked down our driveway and faded into the distance.

I quickly powdered my nipples with brown makeup and went to reach for the tie.

“Time to play fetch, go get it girl!” Darrell had it in his hands and flung it in the yard.

“You asshole!” I gave him a solid punch to the thigh and he just laughed. I couldn’t hit hard enough to do anything but irritate him. I could see my top was hanging in a bush and he had my leash attached to the table so I couldn’t go after it.

He was teasing me about crawling out to get it on all fours when the door to our kitchen opened and out walked my mom and dad. “Hey Dog catcher and dog, how goes the Halloween fun?” My dad smiled his question like it was an audition for Dad of the Year on those old sitcoms on TVLand.

My mom took one look at me down on the floor kneeling at my brother’s feet and squawked, “Do you have a top on?”

My father answered for me before I could respond “This is a family neighborhood, I am afraid I have to put my foot down that you are going to have to put on a top, even if the makeup covers up more than the top did.” He sounded indignant as he asked me where it was.

I answered it was in the hedge and before I could explain why he told me, “well go get it and put it on!”

My father took great pride in his lawn, and all the trees and hedges had accented lighting. I was hesitant to make a move to go retrieve my top because I didn’t want to be standing up in the yard topless if someone walked up. “Darrell has my leash attached to the table.”

“That’s no reason to throw your top half way across the lawn!” My dad didn’t raise his voice but he put a little emphasis on what he was saying to scold me. “Darrell, why do you have your sister’s leash connected to the desk?”

“We were just trying to get into character? I am a dog catcher. I can’t let my dog roam around freely.”

“Fine, fine, if it will get your sisters top back sooner, walk her out there like a puppy, I really don’t care.”

My Dad gave me another knowing wink and my brother unlocked my leash and started to walk me on all fours to the hedge. My parents waited by the candy dish for us to retrieve the top as I padded through the itchy grass on my hands and knees.

It was about that time that two kids on bikes went racing by along the sidewalk. It was just now dark and the street lights had come on but not enough I could see their faces. They whipped eggs at our house and screamed “TRICK OR TREAT!!” I assumed it was those three Waxerman boys I had seen so often trying to peep into my window.

One of the eggs hit me squarely in the ribcage and the other two hit our house.

“Oh no, drive-by egging!” Darrell called and dropped my leash to run for cover.

“You scaredy cat, they are already gone!” I called still topless, still on all fours. I turned around to crawl back to the garage, dragging the leash behind me.

“You know son, I don’t want to see that again.” My dad sounded disappointed “Don’t leave your sister out there without any protection; you should have walked her back.” He was joking and then he gave a light hearted “Well, it’s better than egg on your face.”

My mom looked at me down on the garage floor and asked, “I’ve been meaning to ask, how does that tail stay in?”

I looked up at my father for another one of his brilliant cover stories and in the split second it takes him to formulate an excuse that would make Bill Clinton proud my brother plucked the tail out by the wire.

“I guess it’s on a wire.” Darrell stated the obvious as he held it up to examine the three inches of exposed wire that attached it to my butt plug.

“You know, I meant to ask how that would work when we bought the costume, Hope was so excited about wearing it, she wore it out of the dressing room all the way home!”

“Oh honey, is that wire going into your bottom?” my mom sounded concerned as she asked the question. I still hadn’t put my top back on as I struggled for my excuse.

“No not exactly, it has a base.” I choked out.

“A base, what does that mean? Stand up for heaven’s sake.” I stood up when my mom scolded me. I was once again holding my arms across my chest as she turned me around to face away from her and pulled my thong slightly to the side. She covered her mouth as she let out a gasp “What is this?”

“PRESENT that to your mom right now, young lady.” My father used the command word subtly enough the others may not have picked up on it, but I remembered Cathy’s instruction that if another S-club member told us to present we were supposed to show it to them and return it to its “Home”. I assumed I wouldn’t be spending my entire high school year with this plug firmly planted in my bottom but I had actually grown used to it enough in the last hour that I didn’t really notice it.

“Can we go inside?”

“Why, will it look better for you in there?” My dad wasn’t sounding hostile but he was delivering a point like Matlock on cross-examine.

“No, it would not.”

“Then spit it out and present it to her.” He smiled at me sweetly. I wondered what was going on in that head of his. I could just as easily spill the beans and tell my mom he was the ‘gimp’ although I had no proof and probably not a lot of credibility at the moment.

I bent slightly at the knees and pulled my thong further to the side as I forced the lubricated dome shaped cock out of my asshole and into the palm of my hand. I held it up for the three of them to see, no longer trying to hide my bare boobs.

“That’s shaped like the tip of a man’s penis” my mom stated the obvious. I wanted to joke that I’ve seen dad’s and his is smaller, but now was not the time to be snarky.

“It sure is!” My father feigned surprise as if he hadn’t had that very plug in his teeth only hours earlier. “Put that away right now.”

I knew he was giving me an order and I looked at him shaking my head no.

“You want everyone to see that? Put that away, young lady.”

I took a deep breath and plopped it into my mouth. My brother broke into a ‘Ewwwww, that is so gross’ and after having it in for just a token second I reached behind myself lifted one butt cheek and worked it back in.

“Do you think that is what your father meant by put it away?” my mom asked and before I could say that it was exactly what he meant she asked a second question “And was it really necessary to clean it with your mouth after it’s been up your bottom? Do you know what kind of germs could be on that?”

My lower lip was quivering and I was about to quit S-club and just come clean about the whole wicked game. It didn’t make a lot of sense to continue with the charade at this point and I felt about as low as I could feel.

“You wait right here, Darrell you keep your sister’s clothes on, and we’ll be right back. You know what? I am going to show you! Don’t you move a muscle little girl, until we get back out here.”

“Hah-Hah” my brother imitated the laugh of the bully Nelson on the Simpsons. “You are gonna get in trouble!!” he danced around. They had already gone inside and I plucked the top out of his hands and asked if I could have something to wipe myself off with.

He gave me a shop towel which only smeared my makeup the more I wiped off the egg. “You should probably get under the table” he warned me once I had my top back on. I was trying to put the tail back in to its hole but it was proving impossible, I am not even sure why, since my mom was obviously going to come back out and punish me.

“Here, let me…” He aligned the tail and drove it in to place. I reluctantly thanked him even though he was laughing at my tears.

“Laugh it up funny boy.” Was all I could say. He warned me to get under the table, but I told him I didn’t have to do what he said. “Suit yourself, keep standing.”

There was a whole party of about eight people on their way up our drive way, and I looked ridiculous. I quickly got in place under the desk and even barked when I was told. I no longer felt like playing along but it would not have made any sense to get defiant and draw more attention to myself so I just barked like a dumb dog when my brother gave the order.

They walked away laughing and having a good time while my brother smiled and waved, having just as good a night as they were if not much better. I remained under the table guarding my ‘candy dish’ while I waited for whatever my mom had in store for me.

Three young trick or treaters dressed as ghosts made their way for our front door. My brother tried to signal them he was over at the garage but they either didn’t hear or didn’t listen. It was most likely they didn’t listen because one of them produced a sack and lit it on fire while one of the others rang the bell and ran away.

My dad opened the door while half-dressed in his costume and started shouting “Oh my god, oh my god!” while he stamped out the flaming bag of dog poo in his bare feet. He got it out and drug his feet on the sidewalk as he walked over to us.

He called us by name and with disappointment added, “Hope, I thought you were the guard dog out here, why did you let that happen?”

As I recall it happens every year and my father always falls for it. He pointed at me under the desk “Do whatever your brother tells you, and don’t let that happen again. You wait until your mom gets out here!”

He went back inside in disgust.

I was debating whether to confide in my brother about what happened at school but I thought he probably wouldn’t believe such a far out tale? I mean why would anyone think this is anything more than the kind of story you pull down your pants too and have a good feel and play?

Some trick or treaters approached wearing scream masks, “I see you have a dog here” one of them said. They sounded a little old to be our normal trick or treaters. I turned my head to face them but I couldn’t tell who they were behind the dark robes and mask.

“Will you bark, doggy?”

“RUFF!!” I barked in response.

“I bet you like it ROUGH.” The guy in the mask made a joke about how my bark sounded and then said “Pre-zent, puppy.” In a slow, sinister way.

I looked up at my brother and then back at the three Scream masked trick or treaters standing over me. I reached behind my back and pulled my g-string to the side to remove the plug once again and turned around to hold it up to them. I didn’t want to see the expression on my brothers face, I knew it was somewhere between ‘Jackpot!’ and ‘Hell yeah!’ with a little ‘What the fuck?’ thrown in for good measure.

“You can remove the tail. Just show us your plug.” I knew these were probably football players who knew exactly what they were asking. I pulled the tail out of the plug and held it in my hand as I showed them the cock shaped butt plug.

“Very nice, clean it and return it to its home.”

I looked down and then popped the plug in my mouth. It tasted more like rubber and cream than it did my own peanut butter but that didn’t stop them from laughing that I had just licked something that had been up my ass and put it back in.

The next guy in a scream mask squatted down and got in my face, “Pre-zent again”. He wanted me to repeat the exercise for him that I had just done with the assumption it would satisfy all three of them. “You seem a little reluctant.”

I didn’t answer except to pull my thong to the side and squat while pushing the plug right back out to show him. I felt almost defiant as I held it out for him to see. It was one of those rare harvest moons where the moon just happens to be about as big as it ever will be in the night sky and in the light you could see the shape of it perfectly. I know they were getting the better of me and I was submitting to their wishes but I felt as long as I could comply and not turn into a muttering jellyfish I was somehow winning – they hadn’t broken me.

“Put it in your mouth and clean it slowly, don’t put it in its home until I am positive it is clean.” That was definitely Dave Stravosky talking. I put it in my mouth just like he said and looked up at him, never breaking eye contact with the man in the mask.

The kitchen door opened behind me, it was my mom and dad. I didn’t dare turn around. I knew there was no way I could explain squatting in front of three boys with that plug in my mouth and I was ready to just get whatever punishment or therapy or probably even reform school for what I had done tonight.

I couldn’t look at my parents to even acknowledge how completely red-handed they had just caught me.

“Hello Mr. and Mrs. Miller” the trick or treaters sounded polite. They were obviously going to extricate themselves from the situation and leave while they could, now that my parents showed up. I didn’t blame them.

“Hello boys” My father sounded amiable as he stood behind me. I knew my mom was probably steaming and I contemplated just sprinting naked down the drive way and never looking back for a brief moment.

Then I heard “Pre-zent” from one of the scream masked boys and I was about to tell them absolutely no more in front of my parents when I heard my mom say “If you insist”

I looked over my shoulder just in time to see my mom in a parody of a Cherry Lawn Cheer Leaders uniform about two sizes too small reaching behind her to pull out a thick rubber butt plug about four inches long.

My father had on his gimp mask with leather chaps and chest straps and reached behind himself and pulled out one six inches long and wider than both of ours combined.
“You may clean them and return them to their homes.”

“Thank you Dave, helluva game last week!”

“Thank you Mister Miller” he answered enthusiastically.

“Noah with you?” I was watching over my shoulder as my mom licked her buttplug thoroughly and returned it under her skirt and my father did the same with his leather flap.

“Yeah” Noah stepped forward and my dad tossed me the baby binky. “I believe my daughter drew something of yours today.”


“I found this and I believe it belongs to you, Sir. I took the liberty of cleaning it for you. I hope you don’t lose it again.” I said just as I had been instructed as I held it up to him. He took it out of my hand and even though I couldn’t see his face I wondered if he was smiling and I also wondered if Dave Stravosky was just a little jealous.

“The spirits chose me to be your spirit girl.” It suddenly dawned on me why they always talked about ‘school spirit’ and that it had some double meaning to this twisted little initiation rite.

The guys walked back down the drive way to spook some other house and probably make some other girl present. I looked up at my parents. My mom had a self-satisfied grin on her face. She had been in on the charade the entire time.

“Girl, I was HEAD Cheerleader at Cherry Lawn when I had you. You don’t think I am S-Club? You are a legacy. You play your cards right and you’ll be running it by the time you are a senior, but you are too tight butthole.”

“Definitely too tight butthole.” My dad patted my head and after that we had a really long talk that also included my pervy little brother who would be initiated at next year’s halloweiner if he could get enough meat on his bones to make the football team.

That night they egged our house three more times, knocked over our mail box, left two more bags of flaming poop on our doorstep and toilet papered our entire front lawn. Every time one of us ran outside almost completely naked and pretended to freak out about it.

We also presented to five more people before the night was done and I am proud to say that at the very end, my mom kissed me on the forehead and said, “You can be loose butthole when you need to be, Good night Trojan slut.”

“Happy Halloweiner, Mom” I couldn’t believe I was saying that, and that they answered me back the same way.

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